Setting: Kroger’s Highway 17, Myrtle Beach 1989

kroger_FotoSketcherThis is another entry into the Dilger Family Beach trip from the summer of ’89. On this particular night Andrew and Keith were able to escape any after dinner family activities, which basically meant they were able to ditch the fifteen year old step sister and her friend and head out to see what Myrtle Beach had to offer.

Earlier in the week at a stop light Andrew had run into a girl (Tammy) he met about month before when he tagged along with the senior class of 89. They exchanged #’s, and ended up meeting later that night at the campus of her high school. Keith and her friend (Stacy) had quite an introduction, with them being about half dressed when Andy & Tammy walked up from touring the campus.

Andrew called Tammy earlier in the day, and they planned on meeting the girls to hang out on the beach later that night. Stacy actually lived in Cherry Grove which was where the condo Dilger family was staying at. Tammy worked two jobs during the summer one at Dick’s Last Resort and one at the Gay Dolphin Gift Shop. This particular night she was working at Dick’s and wanted to take a shower before actually meeting up with them.

Andrew had asked his father Andy if he would allow them to take some beer and he said only if you were around the complex, and Andrew tried to explain they’d be down the beach, that they wouldn’t be driving, that they might take the golf cart but not the Blazer, but Andy said you’ll have to get it on your own. Keith winked at him and said no problem.

After dinner they were riding around just killing time waiting on Tammy to get off at around 11 so they could meet her and Stacy at around midnight.  So they met the girls at a Kroger’s parking lot planning on riding boy/girl boy/girl to either the condo or to Stacy’s house.  Tammy asked if they had any beer, and Andrew said “no, but we can try to buy some here”.  She looked at him odd and said “okay whatever”.  They go in and grab a cart, and they are looking over the people at the registers. An older guy with bad toupee that reminded them of an even worse dressed version of the basketball coach at the high school, a younger girl that looked like she was in her mid-20’s and short plump black woman in her mid-40’s that reminded them of Nell Carter.

Keith had an idea. He starts off with the cart, gets a couple bags of chips, a package of chocolate chip cookies, a bottle of Pepto Bismol for Andy and some Hawaiian Tropic sun screen for one of Andrew’s step sisters. Andy looks at him and says “what about the beer”?  “Watch this” is Keith’s only response. They go down an isle where the Coke/Pepsi and other sodas are located and he finds the IBC Root Beer bottles. He starts loading the cart up.  He takes all six of the 6-packs off the shelf and they head for far side of the store where the beer section is.root_FotoSketcher

Keith started trading out dark brown beer bottles for the dark brown bottles of IBC Root Beer simply looking for something that resembled the bottles of root beer. Andrew is shaking his head half way thinking “we’re about to go to jail and this will work”.  They have 5 six packs of beer, they don’t recall the brand and a six pack of IBC root beer. They push the cart up to isle with the shot plump black lady and he puts the chips, cookies, sun screen, pepto, everything else that they have, and the six pack of IBC Root Beer.

The lady rings everything up and then says “I’s needs to sees some ID, yous look to young to buys beer.” Andrew’s face flushes, and Keith cocks his head and looks at her odd and says “ID for root beer?”  He reaches over tilts the six pack on his side and points to the packaging and Nell puts both hands on her hips and says “Well I’ll be,  that rootamabeer get me every time.” Keith says “we have six of them total, this one and 5 in the cart and we need a bag of ice”.  She rings it up, they pay, get their change and push the cart out about the time a deputy sheriff is walking in. They nod at each other and they go put the beer in the back of the blazer.

The girls ask “how did you do that”? Andrew tells the story almost as if it was his idea as they empty the shopping cart. Keith is driving the Blazer with Stacy as Andrew is in the VW convertible with Tammy. They pull into the condo complex one after another and Andrew goes up to get the Playmate cooler off the porch to put on the back of one of the golf carts to head off to Stacy’s house. Andy, Berta, Gina and Renae follow him down the steps to the parking lot and Andy asks “how the hell did you buy that much beer”, Andrew again tells the story but includes the name Keith a time or two just half worried that his dad might get pissed at him, but Andy shakes his head and simply says “rootamabeer stupid fucking nigger”,

Needless to say that they made two more “rootamabeer” purchases at the same Kroger’s with the same short plump black lady before heading back home, and used the same set up a few times at local grocery stores once they were home.


Now the funniest part of the story has to be a bit unknown, because you know at various points in time following this, that some random adult goes into Kroger’s or one of the local stores, and blindly buys a six of beer gets it home, and either opens up to a taste of root beer, or notices it after he’s got it in the car and then is forced to argue that is what he actually bought. Talk about wanting a hidden camera.

Come in at 3 o’clock! Get up at 3 o’clock!


Setting: Nevins household circa 1992-93.

401_FotoSketcherFor those of you out there with an older brother, or sister that matter you’ve likely come to the conclusion that at times they’ve greased the proverbial rails for you at times.

This will serve as a little introduction to the Nevins family.

Willis Aubrey Nevins II was the patriarch, a jolly fat man candy apple red cheeks when he was excited. He’d make for a perfect Santa Clause if he ever grew his beard out. Aubrey was a CPA, and one of the biggest Clemson Tiger fans you’d ever meet. Everywhere you turned in his house or office, was a Tiger knickknack, an autographed photo of William Perry, Danny Ford, or something Clemson related.  His wife, Beth Highland Nevins was a school teacher, even though she taught at the high school level, she had a tendency to talk to you like you were seven years old.

Aubrey Cameron Nevins, known mostly as Cam, or Tropical to some of his brother’s friends was about 25-26 years old in 1992, he’d already crashed his brother’s car, had a pair of DUI charges and spent a summer in rehab. That brings us to Roger Kelly Highland George Martin Jefferson Nevins, okay that’s a joke. That brings us to Roger Kelly Highland Nevins.  As you can see with four names, friends often added a couple more for good measure. In the summer of 92, he was 20, finally broken up with his high school girlfriend for the final time, and while he’d drink adult beverages, he didn’t have the track record of his older brother.

Occasionally on a Friday night, Kelly and his friends would stay out late. Shocker that a teenager or someone in their early 20s would stay out late. Sometimes it was really late. While there are a couple of other examples of strolling into the Nevins house at predawn hours, this one time sticks out based on good ole Aubrey.

Kelly and Keith Singer had been out on what an elder might call a double date. They dropped the girls off, both ironically named Margaret, and then hit up some friends at Burger Chef, and then as planned rolled back around to one of the Margaret’s houses to sneak into the basement and hang out a little more and see what happens. At around 2:30, Margaret Hennings, the host was getting a little nervous. Not that she wasn’t enjoying Kelly pawing all over her, but it was going to be her mother or father coming  down the steps and catching them so she couldn’t quite enjoy herself. That didn’t really stop Keith or Margaret Kilroy who already had her panties in the floor since she was wearing a denim skirt. Hennings came to the other part of the basement and said they probably need to go. She turned away as Keith’s hand came out from between Kilroy’s legs and they got up and crawled out the basement window, a tough task for Keith at 6’3, based on how the yard sloped down by the window. Of course it beats jumping out of the 2nd story window from the bonus room over the garage on to the driveway (more on that in another snippet).

The odd thing is that Keith lived right down the road and actually in between the two girls. They actually parked Kelly’s 240 on in the Singer driveway when they walked up the tiny hill to get to the Hennings’ house. Keith said “do you want to come in and crash and we can get my car tomorrow?” Kelly said, “No, I have to help my dad with something in the basement sometime tomorrow, and then asked if he wanted to stay here and get his car tomorrow?” Keith looked at him and said “drunk as you are, I don’t think you need to be driving”, so Keith poured himself into the 240, another tight fit, and they headed towards Kelly’s house.

Kelly’s house was a pretty big colonial, painted in a pastel orange(not quite Clemson Orange), but that would have been an eye sore, and had deep purple shutters and had a dogleg curve in the driveway heading up to the house which sat on a bit of a hill.

They start to approach the driveway and Kelly says “kill the lights”, Keith not driving on his own car somehow turns on the windshield wipers before squirting windshield washer fluid all over the glass as he finally got to the light switch. They pull around the curve to the house and see ole Aubrey outside in a pair of boxers and a way too tight wife beater.

Kelly says “park by the porch”, Keith does, they get out of the car and Aubrey while trying to fuss at Kelly, is a little too late as they got inside before he made it back up to the porch he was outside collecting the newspaper at 3am.

They slip off their shoes, and shorts, and Kelly goes around the room cranking up his two window units, has the door locked and hears Aubrey coming up the steps. He knocks on the door, but Kelly is in the bathroom and Keith tells Aubrey just that. Aubrey says “well I’ll talk to him in the morning.

Kelly had a strange bed. Even though some time has been spent thinking about it and it has been described more than once, it is still strange. It seems like it was two queen size mattresses turned sideways. Maybe it was two full size, but it was wider than a normal king, and it was longer than a normal king. Beth Nevins had custom made sheets, quilts and covers for it, but it was a big comfortable bed. There were times 3 and 4 people slept in it. The room was also like a cave, without a hint of light from the windows due to shades that were always drawn, and the pair of window units. It was a large room, two more beds that size could have fit in it.

They talk about the girls a bit, talk about the next night, and finally crash.  Keith wakes up at some point, he can’t tell if its 6 am or 10 am, it’s so dark and cold but it felt good. He looks at his watch and is able to tell it’s about 2:30 pm.  He needs to go, he has some things he needs to do at home himself so he starts hitting at Kelly to wake him up. It finally works. Kelly puts on some sweats and Keith slides on his shots and shoes.

They walk down the curved staircase and see Aubrey sitting in his chair with his reading glasses on and the newspaper in his hands. “Come in at 3 o’clock, wake up at 3 o’clock” he bellows as Kelly at nods at him as they walk out towards the back porch.

Keith gets into his CRX and heads for home as Kelly heads inside for what was sure to be another dressing down from Aubrey.


Touch Him Again and I’ll Knock Ya Out!


Setting: Cooter’s Country Store and Bar circa fall 1993

bc_FotoSketcher_FotoSketcherThis is another tale about Tracy “Tiny” Little, older brother of Jesse Little.

Keith Singer and his dad “Big Jack” walked in to Cooter’s to grab a bite to eat. Little Trevor was also with them and took off around the corner to the pair of video games that the joint had. Jack saw one of his friends, Mark Tucker sitting at the bar to the right of Tiny. It’s not quite clear if you could call it a bar, you couldn’t get a drink there, maybe it wanted to grow up to be a bar. You could get beer or wine, but the town didn’t have an ABC license for mixed drinks at that point. It was a tiny little bar that could seat four or five. Mark Jeffrey, was sitting on the other side of Tiny.

Keith started giving Tiny a hard time about Jesse being a better running back than he was. “Shit brother, Jesse couldn’t tote the mail like I could, I promise you that” was his canned response as he took a long swig of beer. The of Mark’s and Tiny’s food was served all three had a basket of wings and an order of fries. The fries were fresh cut potato sticks that were thrown in a deep fryer for a bit.

Tiny started in on the wings like some people eat corn. Left to right, left to right, rotate, left to right. Like a big 270 mouse eating a chicken wing. Keith sat down on the opposite side of his dad after going back and seeing what the little hellion wanted which was obviously more quarters for the video game. They placed their order and sipped on a pair of Miller Lites.

Since they weren’t at a table it was hard to talk to everyone so Jack ended up asking Mark Tucker how Mark Jeffrey’s back was. Jeffrey a lineman from Duke Power took a spill from a pole one night during a storm and suffered some disc damage. Tucker jokes, “well his wife Willie Mae keeps calling me and asking me to mow the yard, fix this, eat that, fuck this over here, so it must still be bothering him”. Jeffrey leans back in his bar stool a bit and says “all that may be true but she’s calling everyone and telling them the same thing cause this little dick fucker can’t satisfy her like I can”. Everyone at the bar including a waitress that caught only a portion of the comment share some laughs.

Gene Rawlings walks in and tells Jeffrey that the two of them need to have a talk and to come outside. Keith had his radar on and reached over and unfastened the band to his Seiko and slide it into his pocket. Gene was about six foot six inches tall and might have weighed a buck seventy (170lbs). His jeans were likely a 32 waist 36 inseam, tall, lanky and a bit pink from being out in the sun. Jeffrey says “Now Gene, first of all I’m eating, second of all I’m not in any condition to go outside and talk, and finally, even if I was, I don’t have anything to say”.

Gene nudges him in shoulder and says “come outside Mark we need to talk”. Tiny takes the wing out of his mouth, looks back over his shoulder, and says “Touch him again I’ll knock ya out”. Gene spouts off “Tiny, just sit there and eat, this is between me and Mark”. He nudges him in the shoulder again and says “come on outside man, we need to talk”. Tiny again takes the wing out of his mouth, this time holding it a bit like one would hold a harmonica and says, “Did you not hear me? I said touch him again and I’ll knock ya out”. Jack Singer, an accountant for a local company tries to defuse the situation by saying “it is best for everyone to settle down, nobody needs to cause a scene”. Gene nudges Jeffrey even harder and starts to tell him to come out side again while Tiny takes the wing out of his mouth, sets it down in the middle of his basket, lays his napkin on the counter top, slides out of the barstool , takes a couple of steps and reaches back into the next county and slugs Gene right in the left jaw. Gene goes flying back into one of the support beams as his slick ass cowboy boots lose traction and he is dumped onto  the floor.

Tiny is sitting back down, has his napkin back in his hand and he’s back at “left to right, left to right, rotate, left to right”, takes the wing out of his mouth and leans back again and says “I told ya if you touched him again I’d knock ya out.”, He didn’t knock him out, but he sure as hell knocked him and gave him one to remember. By the time Gene had picked his knees and elbows up the manager was standing there asking him to leave. The manager, Bill Gentry, had gone to school with both of them and Gene was saying “why do I have to leave and he gets to stay”, and Bill was like, “Dipshit do you remember back in high school when you’d get into a fight?, they never sent both kids to the same office.” “He’s eating, you aren’t,  so you have to leave” was the way Bill tried to diplomatically explain to the unruly lanky former classmate. Gene wasn’t quite done, he reached around and knocked a display of cracker jacks and potato chips off and scattered them across the wooden floor as he gave the door a kick and exited in a huff.

Little Trevor comes around the corner and says “What did I miss”, Jack looks at him and says, “nothing son, nothing.”

The funniest part about the whole situation was that Mark Jeffrey wasn’t even giving it Gene’s old lady at that point. Mark Tucker was. Jeffrey looked over at Tucker and said I’m getting sick and tired of getting blamed for your infidelities, even Willie Mae confronted me about banging Marion Rawlings, and I haven’t nailed that since I was 17. Another round of beers and laughs filled Cooter’s as time ticked on.








Jesus Andy Again?

Jesus!!! Andy again?

Setting:  Myrtle Beach, South Carolina Summer of 1989

This story starts out as a rant then morphs into one of those typical teen-age lust stories. Keith and Andrew were 17, and at the beach with Andrew’s dad, step-mother, two step-sisters and each of the step-sisters had a friend tagging along. They were staying at a condo in Cherry Grove, which is 30 some miles up Highway 17, which was also called King’s Highway which will make any Tom Petty fan feel that is the one it was written about though that is extremely doubtful, from what is essentially the most popular area of Myrtle Beach, meaning shops/restaurants and such. This took place in 1989.

For the most part, the whole group would eat dinner as a group out at a random restaurant, whether it was a steak house, Dick’s, one of the multitude of seafood joints. There wasn’t really a set plan.  Now, the sets of step-sisters, one was around 15, and one was 9 or 10, so completely different dynamics. The older one, and her friend, tried to tag along with Keith and Andrew as much as they could, but the boys, would prefer to head out on their own. With a curfew that wasn’t set in stone and a bag phone (yeah this dates the story), they could if they needed to. Andy (Andrew Dilger Jackson III), Andrew’s father, said that they older kids could drink beer/wine-coolers if they stayed around the condo-complex, but that place was dead. Other than taking a walk on the beach and hooking up with another bored to death teenager (if you could find one), there wasn’t much to do. He also said, that if you can find any, and bring it home, then go for it (more on that later, I promise).

As it was said before, Cherry Grove was 30 some odd minutes away from where they would typically eat.  Now Andrew, who at times was called Andy, like his daddy, Jackson, like his grand-daddy and Kelly usually just referred to him as Fat-aye . Spelling as close to it sounded as I can. Well, Andrew, was particular about where he would take a dump. A lot of people are like that. Most people certainly won’t use the facilities if they are nasty looking. The thing that makes this whole story odd was that he was using a strange toilet at the condo unit. It wasn’t his own personal throne like at home. Given, it would be cleaner than the average Myrtle Beach public/semi-public restroom, but each night after eating, they’d have to drive all the way back to Cherry Grove just so he could vacate himself. Keith was like God Damn Andy, just squat and shit. Your ass cheeks/balls etc. will never come into contact with anything.

Andy wouldn’t have any of it. Pulling out of the Farmer’s Daughter, a southern home-styled eatery, onto 17 they headed north back to Cherry Grove A-G-A-I-N.   They are in his Blazer and the pull up at a light an there are two girls in convertible VW. Andy is like I know you.  The driver, is like “You Do?” he’s like “Yeah I met you about a month ago during senior week. I was with Jerry & Lloyd”. She’s like “You do know me with a smile.” She says to pull over at Kroger’s so they can talk.  He balks at the idea and says that he is at the beach with his parents and has to meet them at the condo before they are free to do whatever that night.  Keith is like God Dammit Andy again? Andy lets her know that he has his Dad’s bag phone and that he can call her (like every teenager had their dad’s bag phone at the time). She’s like well meet us at 8:30 at Myrtle Beach High School. He’s like okay, where is it. She points to a McDonald’s and says it’s right after that at 38th avenue, turn right and then another right on Grissom Parkway and you can’t miss it.

They head back to Cherry Grove and while Andrew is enjoying his Throne for a week, Keith is sitting on the couch talking to Andy and Berta. Andy looks so thrilled to have the girls with him tonight, he’d be just as happy sitting on the porch with a bottle of Cuttysark or some other Scotch or adult beverage. Needless to say a night at the Pavilion was soon to start. Gina, the eldest stepsister comes out and asks Keith if there was any way that her and her friend Renae could tag along with them for the evening. Keith simply said it’s not my decision to make. Andrew comes out of the hallway from the bedrooms and Andy and Abbie-Lynn(short for Abagail-Lynn) the youngest step=sister and yes you have to read her name as it is pronounced by her southern mother with about 19 syllables) both crack joke about hoping that he sprayed.  Then Gina and Renae try to butter him up in trying to talk him into letting them tag along.  At, 17 the only way he was going to allow this to happen would have been if he was to hook up with Renae, and pass his step-sister off to Keith. The fact that Keith and Renae had hooked up a few times already that week he knew that wasn’t going to happen so he said he was going to meet someone he met during senior week (it should be noted that he went with some members of the class of 89, even though he just finished his junior year.   The girls aren’t happy, because they’d much rather spend the night following the guy around more than being substitute baby sitters.

So off they go to Myrtle Beach High School, home of the fighting Seahawks, Seachickens or some other sea creature with a feather or four. Even though Andrew wrote down the directions he was having trouble reading his own writing, but Keith reminded him of which way to go. They pull in and spot the jet black VW convertible and the two girls sitting inside.

Tammy, the driver, aged 18, was about 5’8, and it’s impossible to judge a girls weight. She had some curves, and they were in all the right places, short straight brown hair and brown eyes and the tan one would expect of a teenaged Myrtle Beach native. She was wearing a pair of those satin/checkered Umbro Soccer shorts and a Myrtle Beach Class of 89 t-shirt.  Stacy aged 17, the passenger, was about 5’2ish, slimmer, small perky breasts, just a smaller girl in general, shoulder length blonde curly hair and was wearing one of those denim jumper type/overall skirt type sets with a t-shirt underneath. Stacy also had the tan of a Myrtle Beach native.

The group of 4 walked over to a picnic table in an area that Tammy called the quad, and they stat their and talked. Tammy asked Andrew about Jerry & Lloyd and a couple of others that crossed her path during senior week. Andrew started to massage Tammy’s shoulders and then whispered in her ear to show him around the campus. Keith asked Stacy if she wanted to join them and she said her legs were tired from running earlier. Evidently she was a member of the Myrtle Beach track and cross country teams, and Keith, ran track, but mostly did field events, but would run hurdles and the 100 meter dash at times just to accumulate points. For a big guy, he could move.

Andrew and Tammy started to walk around the track and she was talking about looking forward to starting college at the College of Charleston in the fall, and Andrew wasn’t sure what his college future would hold, said he might end up at a community college, if he didn’t get any offers to play golf. The Myrtle Beach Middle School bordered the high school property and Andrew saw the playground area so they walked over and he started to push them her in a swing. Then they stopped and started to kiss, Andrew’s hands were going all over the place. Butt, boobs, legs, back, boobs, crotch, which got halted since Tammy said her Aunt Flo was visiting. Well, this sorta bummed Andrew out and he looked down at his watch and said that he had to pick up his step-sister and her friend at the Magic Attic, which was a lie.  They headed back to the picnic table.

As they got closer, they were walking up from behind, they could tell that Stacy was sitting on the table and had her feet up on the edge and had her back arched back as Keith was eating her pussy. This started out ever so innocently when Keith offered to massage Stacy’s aching legs for her. The straps to the jumper were down and her t-shirt was pushed up as he was playing with her nipples as his tongue deep into her pussy.  Andrew and Tammy then kicked a can while walking up to get their attention. Stacy’s legs shut really quickly and she pulled her shirt down and reattached her straps.  Keith had a look of evil in his eyes as he wiped his mouth clean of Stacy’s creamy wetness.  Nothing like being cock blocked. Andrew reminded Keith that they needed to pick up Gina and Renae and Keith had a “what you talking about Andrew? look on his face.  Tammy could tell that Andrew was wanting to get out of there. Keith kissed Stacy good bye, they exchanged #’s, but I don’t think their paths ever crossed again. The VW sputters out of the parking lot first followed by the Blazer. Keith starts yelling at Andrew asking what the fuck his deal was could he not see what was going on when they walked up. He’s like yeah but she’s on the rag, and Keith was like well why didn’t you get her to blow you, and Andrew quickly said well she did jerk me off. Keith was like that must be nice, since he was sitting in the car with a stiff cock.  Andrew then starts quizzing Keith about the Stacy. Keith was like well you saw most of everything that happened, and he’s like now what were her tits like. Keith kept it simple. They were small. Really firm and perky but small. They were nice. What about her pussy Andrew continues to quiz him. Did her curtains match the drapes, and Keith stoically says yes. Andrew continues on by saying she looks like she got really wet. Yes Andy you pervert she was really wet.  The bag phone rings, and its Andy III, actually asking for Andrew to pick up Gina and Renae at Myrtle Square Mall where they had watched Weekend at Bernie’s and to stop by and pick up some doughnuts at Krispy Kreme on the way home.

Andrew looks and says see he was going to call anyway. Keith, was like well the phone was in the car, so it’s not like you were going to hear it right away.  Keith just shakes his head as he watched highway 17 pass by the window on the way to the mall.,_South_Carolina,_South_Carolina,-78.8642906,16z


Keith meets Spike!


Keith Meets Spike
Setting: Myrtle Beach Pavilion 1989

This is one of the stories that occurred during the Dilger Family Beach Trip. Andrew and Keith got stuck with the girls. All four of them Andy III and Berta needed a date night so they got stuck halfway babysitting the babysitters.

Andrew Dilger had two step sisters, Gina, age 15 who had her friend Renae with her and Abbie-Lynn (short for Abagail-Lynn), who was about 9 who also had one of her friends with her. The two youngsters were mostly interested in the rides at the pavilion or the arcade. The two older girls were mostly interested in Andrew & Keith, yet Andrew & Keith were interested in anything else. Andrew was game for Renae, but Keith wasn’t much on spending the majority of the week with Gina, and if Andrew & Renae were to hook up, Keith knew that is exactly what would happen so he fixed hurricane3_mattrydzik_FotoSketcherthat by fingering Renae in the pool one day while they were talking to Berta who was sunbathing and drinking her fair share of Tom Collins. So after that Keith and Renae would fool around here and there, and Gina and Andrew were both a bit steamed at them.

Gina and Renae were stuck watching the girls and Andrew told Gina that they were going to walk down the strip for a few minutes. Andrew wanted to show Keith the dump of a hotel that he stayed at when he went to Senior Week with a few members of the class of ’89 the month before. The plan was to meet them back in about an hour.

Andrew & Keith took off and they walked up the road a little bit to the Golden Villa, a five story hotel that was likely built in the 50’s or 60’s and had seen its better day. Little did Keith know about 11 months later he’d have a few stories of his own to tell about the Golden Villa since he and, Andrew and other members of their crew would spend their own Senior week in this dump (more to come on that later)?

They walk up look at it, Keith said “it wouldn’t be a bad place for my clothes to stay, because I plan on doing my sleeping on the beach during the day”. Andrew said “good plan”. They were walking back and Andrew said “let’s go in here” pointing to the “Gay Dolphin Gift Shop”, he wanted to see if Tammy, the girl he met during the senior week trip and saw a couple nights before was working. They walked in, and Keith pops Andrew on the arm, and says “do you know that Tom Petty song ‘Spike’”? Andrew nods his head saying “I think so why?” Keith says “the SOB is right over there” pointing across the building. “Holy shit it is” Andrew responds with a laugh.

Keith had pointed out a couple that was walking. The woman was likely mid 30’s wearing what he called a diamond cut bathing suit, which had a diamond cut out in between the breasts and the top of the crotch and went around the neck. She also had on a pair of Daisy Dukes and a pair of bright yellow (matching the bathing suit) Chuck Taylor high tops. Her hair looked like it was bled dry by about 5 bottles of bleach and her skin was a tanning salon shade of burnt orange. Nice breasts but still not very attractive. Keith said she was about 5’10 5’11, or a couple of inches taller than Spike which added to the imagery.

Now Spike was about 5’8, like the girl in his mid-30’s, short yet stocky.  He was built, cut, whatever you want to call it, he had a bit of the burnt orange look to him as well and looked a bit like a mini-Randy “Macho Man Savage” but with  fu-man-chu mustache and mullet combo going. He too had a pair of daisy dukes(surprisingly) with the bottoms of his front pockets hanging out, and he also had a matching sleeveless Levis jean jacket that looked about 3 sizes too small for him and black high top reebok shoes, the kind you’d see women wear to 7_18_12-myrtle-beach-gay-dolphin-gift-cove_FotoSketchera dance class. The black leather spiked dog collar was a nice addition to his outfit. He didn’t quite have a Mr. T. Starter set around his neck but he had some gold chains, and what was supposed to look like a diamond stud ear-ring. He was built but a bit puffy/stiff looking and he walked like he was in full on flex or a bit like Robo Cop, though it was clear that he missed leg day at the gym. It was funny. Keith couldn’t help but laugh at him and Spike noticed.

Spike wasn’t happy. He walked over and said “What the fuck are you laughing at?” Keith looks down at him and said “oh nothing Spike I’m not laughing at anything”. “What the fuck did you call me?” Spike barks out at him “Haven’t you heard the Tom Petty song ‘Spike’, with your little dog collar on it looks like it was written about you.” Keith explains. “Boy I’ll whip your young punk ass” Spike growls at him this time. The bleached blonde steps in between them and says “now Howard he’s too young for you to fight”. Keith while slipping his Seiko off into his pocket punches Andrew in the arm and with a howling laugh says “Spike’s name is Howard.” Spike takes a step closer and Keith puts his hands up read to bust him in the head if needed. Kitty Clorox grabs him by the arm and pulls him off.

Andrew looks at Keith and says “What the fuck was that?” “That was Spike, Doo doo doo doo doo doo”, as he laughs again. They walk on back to where they were to meet the girls and Andrew starts telling them about the man in the dog collar and of course the girls wanted to see him. So they walked back up that way. Gina stopped in front of Keith just so that her butt would press into his crotch. She was good at that. They didn’t see him to start with then they noticed him looking out on the top of the observation deck of the Gay Dolphin. Keith yells up at him. “Hey Spike Tell me bout life”. Spike bolts for the stairs, the younger girls are a bit startled so they walk into a beach shop. Spike busts through the door and gets in Keith’s face saying again “I’m going to beat your ass”, Keith quoting Rocky Balboa simply says “Go for it”, and the blonde wedges her way in between them again, when a cop walks up and says “What seems to be the problem”? The blonde says this boy is teasing my fiancé about his dog collar and some Tom Petty song. The cops laughs and says “cool song”, since it was obvious which song he was referring to and then says, “So this kid is picking on your fiancé over his dog collar? Is that correct” He shakes his head again and walks the couple over to the side and they start to walk off. The cop comes back with a smile on his face and laughs and says “please stop picking on people with dog collars”. “Yes sir” Keith says as they go off to the beach store to find the girls who had already started to walk up.

They get in the Blazer, Andrew driving Keith riding shotgun, the two youngest girls in the cargo area with Gina and Renae in the back seat. Keith pops Andrew with an elbow and says “look at that” Spike and Kitty Clorox were walking down Ocean Boulevard. Andrew slows, Keith hangs out the window and yells “Hey Spike whatta ya like”, and howls at him like Petty does in the song. Spike takes off running as Andrew slowly picks up speed by ever so gently pressing on the gas before he finally turns and heads towards Highway 17 to head back to Cherry Grove.

They get back to condo and tell Andy and Berta the story and Andy says “I think we saw that fruit yesterday near the same spot but Barbie was wearing an orange swimsuit, shorts and orange shoes that clashed with her skin”.

“Hey Spike Tell me bout life”


Hi I’m Brad and I’m a Pussy


Setting: Mostly at Fenton’s Bar & Grill, circa 1993

When you have a group of friends in a small town, you mostly know each other pretty well. At times you now some of their cousins that might live close by, not necessarily the same town, but close by.

At times, various paths can cross. A close group of friends will have each other’s back and take up for one another when push comes to shove.

Let me introduce to Brad Clayton. Brad was a year or so younger than this group of friends, he was somehow related a little bit to Andrew Dilger. Some form of 3rd cousin fifteen times removed or however that genealogy shit works. Somehow his kin stuck Andrew’s kin, or Andrew’s kin stuck his kin. Who cares, it’s irrelevant.

Either way, he was a douche. Think Brian Austin Green meets Vanilla Ice meets New Kids on the Block, or were they the same person to start with? He crossed paths with Seth by hitting on his girlfriend. He did the same with Marty. He had welched on a golf bet with Jesse and wrote a check to Kelly’s mom for some tutoring in English over the summer. Most everyone was over at Jesse’s house waiting to head to Fenton’s, likely for a penny draft night. Out of all the times they went to Fenton’s Bar & Grill, a high percentage had to be the Wednesday penny draft nights, but there were some Friday and Saturday’s as well.

Everybody is bitching about Brady Clayton. Everybody is talking about whipping his ass.  Keith edges each of them on by saying, “he’d whip anyone of you one on one”, all  while knowing he’d have a tough time fighting any of them, and no chance with a couple of them.  He hadn’t crossed Keith, yet Keith didn’t care for him and called him New Kid.  He was just an uber-douche trying to kiss everyone’s ass, yet would then turn around and try to get in their girls pants

They load up in Kelly’s Mom’s mini-van and head off to Fenton’s. They stop and eat some Pizza nearby and drink a couple of pitchers before going to Fenton’s.


They are loading up on penny draft, watching a baseball game on one of the televisions, bitching about this, that and the other, hitting on the occasional girl and catching up with an old friend or two. Kelly’s still trying to throw paperclips into the 30 gallon trash cans they used to collect the pennies on these nights. Keith’s watching the Dodgers and the Braves play and Jesse is trying to avoid some one-night stand he met at school the previous year.

Andrew walks up and says “guess who just walked in?” Keith sarcastically says President Bush. “No dipshit, Brad Clayton”, Jesse starts mubling about the 100.00, Kelly wonders aloud if he has the 50.00 bucks he owes his Mom, and Marty and Seth start fussing over who’s going to confront him first. Keith gets up walks over to Brad and simply says “You might want to leave, I’ve got four guys over there and each of them are wanting to whip your ass, and I’m not going to stop them”. Brad says “We cool”, Keith says, “no you’re a pussy, and I’m just trying to save you from getting your ass kicked, and I’m not really wanting to have to put money together to bail one of them out of jail for doing it.”

Brad with his “Ice Ice Baby” hair cut ponders that thought for a brief moment and asks, “I’m a pussy?” Keith says “Yeah you are, and a matter of fact you’re about to tell everyone you’re a pussy, or I’ll beat your ass and save them the trouble.”  Brad fondles the four day scruff he has on his chin and says “Okay Big Daddy, if it gets them off my ass I’ll tell them I’m a pussy.”

Keith says “okay, but there is another thing”. Seth and Marty are wanting to whip your ass over you hitting on their girls, and I think we can take care of it, but you owe Kelly’s Mom 50 bucks plus a bad check fee, and you owe Jesse 100.00 for the golf bet. He’s shaking his head like he’s about to free-style reaches in his pockets and hands him 200.00 bucks. Keith stuffs it in his pockets and says “let’s get this over with because I’m tired of hearing about your bitch ass”.

They walk over to Jesse, Keith hands him a 100 and says “this is your golf bet”, and looks at Brad and says “what do you have to say?”

Jesse, “I’m a pussy”. Jesse: You got that right.

They walk over to Kelly, Keith says “do you have any twenties”? Kelly nods and says “yeah two”, Keith says “I’ll trade you this 100.00 for them”. They exchange bills, and Keith says, oh by the way, you paid me back that 40.00 you owe me and the rest of that is your Mom’s for that tutoring bullshit. Kelly looks at him with a “what the fuck” expression, but it serves the cheap greedy fucker right, you have to trick his ass to get paid back more times than not. He looks over at Brad and says “spill it”.

Brad says “Kelly I’m a pussy.” Kelly: “You God Damn right!” with a cackling howl to it.

They walk over to Seth and Marty who are still trying to talk each other into letting them be the one to whip his ass. Keith “says now this will take an apology before you tell them what you are”.

Brad: “Seth, I thought you and Haley were broken up, Marty I didn’t know you and Iris were trying to get back together.”

Seth: “Even, if we were she wouldn’t have anything to do with you.’

Marty: “We’re just fucking a bit, before she moves back with her parents, but that is mighty white of ya.”

Keith: “What else?”

Brad: “I’m a pussy!”

Seth punches Marty in the arm as they both laugh their ass off, more of an Andrew type of laugh where he might shit his pants again, but they were a bit drunk and they were laughing there asses off.

They walk over to Andrew, Brad says “hey cuz, I’m a pussy.”, Keith sees a couple of guys from the community college, he wheels Brad over to them and Keith says “introduce yourself!”

Brad: “Hi I’m Brad I’m a pussy!”

The guys from school look puzzeled but take a swig of out of their solo cups. They start walking to the back of the place, Keith is pulling out people he knows from school or their home town. “Hi I’m Brad I’m a pussy”. “Hi I’m Brad I’m a pussy”. “Hi I’m Brad I’m a pussy”. “Hi I’m Brad I’m a pussy”.

Keith sees a couple of bouncer’s he knew that played some football that he’s talked to before. “Hi I’m Brad I’m a pussy”. “Hi I’m Brad I’m a pussy”. “Hi I’m Brad I’m a pussy”.

He finally looks at Brad, “Did you learn your lesson?”, he said “yeah I know who not to fuck with any more.” He wondered into the dance floor trying to just blend into nothing.

Keith walks back up to his friends and says “Hi I’m Brad I’m a Pussy”, they all hit him in the shoulder laughing, cackling, and just having a good time.

They get in the car to leave, the next destination would likely be home, or quite possibly a Waffle House, and Keith is driving. Seth asks, “What made you do that? Keith says “I was tired of hearing all you little girls bitch about him.” he adds, “I don’t know about you guys, but I would have got my one shot in and busted someone in the mouth before I told three dozen or so people I’m a pussy. I might have got my ass whipped in the end, but I’m not going to do something like that.” They all agreed and laughed and drank into the night.