Jesus Andy Again?

Jesus!!! Andy again?

Setting:  Myrtle Beach, South Carolina Summer of 1989

This story starts out as a rant then morphs into one of those typical teen-age lust stories. Keith and Andrew were 17, and at the beach with Andrew’s dad, step-mother, two step-sisters and each of the step-sisters had a friend tagging along. They were staying at a condo in Cherry Grove, which is 30 some miles up Highway 17, which was also called King’s Highway which will make any Tom Petty fan feel that is the one it was written about though that is extremely doubtful, from what is essentially the most popular area of Myrtle Beach, meaning shops/restaurants and such. This took place in 1989.

For the most part, the whole group would eat dinner as a group out at a random restaurant, whether it was a steak house, Dick’s, one of the multitude of seafood joints. There wasn’t really a set plan.  Now, the sets of step-sisters, one was around 15, and one was 9 or 10, so completely different dynamics. The older one, and her friend, tried to tag along with Keith and Andrew as much as they could, but the boys, would prefer to head out on their own. With a curfew that wasn’t set in stone and a bag phone (yeah this dates the story), they could if they needed to. Andy (Andrew Dilger Jackson III), Andrew’s father, said that they older kids could drink beer/wine-coolers if they stayed around the condo-complex, but that place was dead. Other than taking a walk on the beach and hooking up with another bored to death teenager (if you could find one), there wasn’t much to do. He also said, that if you can find any, and bring it home, then go for it (more on that later, I promise).

As it was said before, Cherry Grove was 30 some odd minutes away from where they would typically eat.  Now Andrew, who at times was called Andy, like his daddy, Jackson, like his grand-daddy and Kelly usually just referred to him as Fat-aye . Spelling as close to it sounded as I can. Well, Andrew, was particular about where he would take a dump. A lot of people are like that. Most people certainly won’t use the facilities if they are nasty looking. The thing that makes this whole story odd was that he was using a strange toilet at the condo unit. It wasn’t his own personal throne like at home. Given, it would be cleaner than the average Myrtle Beach public/semi-public restroom, but each night after eating, they’d have to drive all the way back to Cherry Grove just so he could vacate himself. Keith was like God Damn Andy, just squat and shit. Your ass cheeks/balls etc. will never come into contact with anything.

Andy wouldn’t have any of it. Pulling out of the Farmer’s Daughter, a southern home-styled eatery, onto 17 they headed north back to Cherry Grove A-G-A-I-N.   They are in his Blazer and the pull up at a light an there are two girls in convertible VW. Andy is like I know you.  The driver, is like “You Do?” he’s like “Yeah I met you about a month ago during senior week. I was with Jerry & Lloyd”. She’s like “You do know me with a smile.” She says to pull over at Kroger’s so they can talk.  He balks at the idea and says that he is at the beach with his parents and has to meet them at the condo before they are free to do whatever that night.  Keith is like God Dammit Andy again? Andy lets her know that he has his Dad’s bag phone and that he can call her (like every teenager had their dad’s bag phone at the time). She’s like well meet us at 8:30 at Myrtle Beach High School. He’s like okay, where is it. She points to a McDonald’s and says it’s right after that at 38th avenue, turn right and then another right on Grissom Parkway and you can’t miss it.

They head back to Cherry Grove and while Andrew is enjoying his Throne for a week, Keith is sitting on the couch talking to Andy and Berta. Andy looks so thrilled to have the girls with him tonight, he’d be just as happy sitting on the porch with a bottle of Cuttysark or some other Scotch or adult beverage. Needless to say a night at the Pavilion was soon to start. Gina, the eldest stepsister comes out and asks Keith if there was any way that her and her friend Renae could tag along with them for the evening. Keith simply said it’s not my decision to make. Andrew comes out of the hallway from the bedrooms and Andy and Abbie-Lynn(short for Abagail-Lynn) the youngest step=sister and yes you have to read her name as it is pronounced by her southern mother with about 19 syllables) both crack joke about hoping that he sprayed.  Then Gina and Renae try to butter him up in trying to talk him into letting them tag along.  At, 17 the only way he was going to allow this to happen would have been if he was to hook up with Renae, and pass his step-sister off to Keith. The fact that Keith and Renae had hooked up a few times already that week he knew that wasn’t going to happen so he said he was going to meet someone he met during senior week (it should be noted that he went with some members of the class of 89, even though he just finished his junior year.   The girls aren’t happy, because they’d much rather spend the night following the guy around more than being substitute baby sitters.

So off they go to Myrtle Beach High School, home of the fighting Seahawks, Seachickens or some other sea creature with a feather or four. Even though Andrew wrote down the directions he was having trouble reading his own writing, but Keith reminded him of which way to go. They pull in and spot the jet black VW convertible and the two girls sitting inside.

Tammy, the driver, aged 18, was about 5’8, and it’s impossible to judge a girls weight. She had some curves, and they were in all the right places, short straight brown hair and brown eyes and the tan one would expect of a teenaged Myrtle Beach native. She was wearing a pair of those satin/checkered Umbro Soccer shorts and a Myrtle Beach Class of 89 t-shirt.  Stacy aged 17, the passenger, was about 5’2ish, slimmer, small perky breasts, just a smaller girl in general, shoulder length blonde curly hair and was wearing one of those denim jumper type/overall skirt type sets with a t-shirt underneath. Stacy also had the tan of a Myrtle Beach native.

The group of 4 walked over to a picnic table in an area that Tammy called the quad, and they stat their and talked. Tammy asked Andrew about Jerry & Lloyd and a couple of others that crossed her path during senior week. Andrew started to massage Tammy’s shoulders and then whispered in her ear to show him around the campus. Keith asked Stacy if she wanted to join them and she said her legs were tired from running earlier. Evidently she was a member of the Myrtle Beach track and cross country teams, and Keith, ran track, but mostly did field events, but would run hurdles and the 100 meter dash at times just to accumulate points. For a big guy, he could move.

Andrew and Tammy started to walk around the track and she was talking about looking forward to starting college at the College of Charleston in the fall, and Andrew wasn’t sure what his college future would hold, said he might end up at a community college, if he didn’t get any offers to play golf. The Myrtle Beach Middle School bordered the high school property and Andrew saw the playground area so they walked over and he started to push them her in a swing. Then they stopped and started to kiss, Andrew’s hands were going all over the place. Butt, boobs, legs, back, boobs, crotch, which got halted since Tammy said her Aunt Flo was visiting. Well, this sorta bummed Andrew out and he looked down at his watch and said that he had to pick up his step-sister and her friend at the Magic Attic, which was a lie.  They headed back to the picnic table.

As they got closer, they were walking up from behind, they could tell that Stacy was sitting on the table and had her feet up on the edge and had her back arched back as Keith was eating her pussy. This started out ever so innocently when Keith offered to massage Stacy’s aching legs for her. The straps to the jumper were down and her t-shirt was pushed up as he was playing with her nipples as his tongue deep into her pussy.  Andrew and Tammy then kicked a can while walking up to get their attention. Stacy’s legs shut really quickly and she pulled her shirt down and reattached her straps.  Keith had a look of evil in his eyes as he wiped his mouth clean of Stacy’s creamy wetness.  Nothing like being cock blocked. Andrew reminded Keith that they needed to pick up Gina and Renae and Keith had a “what you talking about Andrew? look on his face.  Tammy could tell that Andrew was wanting to get out of there. Keith kissed Stacy good bye, they exchanged #’s, but I don’t think their paths ever crossed again. The VW sputters out of the parking lot first followed by the Blazer. Keith starts yelling at Andrew asking what the fuck his deal was could he not see what was going on when they walked up. He’s like yeah but she’s on the rag, and Keith was like well why didn’t you get her to blow you, and Andrew quickly said well she did jerk me off. Keith was like that must be nice, since he was sitting in the car with a stiff cock.  Andrew then starts quizzing Keith about the Stacy. Keith was like well you saw most of everything that happened, and he’s like now what were her tits like. Keith kept it simple. They were small. Really firm and perky but small. They were nice. What about her pussy Andrew continues to quiz him. Did her curtains match the drapes, and Keith stoically says yes. Andrew continues on by saying she looks like she got really wet. Yes Andy you pervert she was really wet.  The bag phone rings, and its Andy III, actually asking for Andrew to pick up Gina and Renae at Myrtle Square Mall where they had watched Weekend at Bernie’s and to stop by and pick up some doughnuts at Krispy Kreme on the way home.

Andrew looks and says see he was going to call anyway. Keith, was like well the phone was in the car, so it’s not like you were going to hear it right away.  Keith just shakes his head as he watched highway 17 pass by the window on the way to the mall.

 

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myrtle_Beach,_South_Carolina

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cherry_Grove_Beach,_South_Carolina

 

http://www.tripinfo.com/maps/SC-MyrtleBeach.gif

 

http://www.lyricsdepot.com/tom-petty/kings-highway.html

 

http://www.dickslastresort.com/citypage.cfm?store=myrtlebeach

 

https://www.google.com/search?q=bag+phone&es_sm=122&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=PFJ1U8rKLIyNqgb3nIL4DQ&ved=0CDUQsAQ&biw=1360&bih=653

 

http://www.loopnet.com/Listing/16177032/9925-N-Kings-Hwy-Myrtle-Beach-SC/

 

http://www.automobile-catalog.com/make/chevrolet_usa/s-10_blazer_1gen/s-10_blazer_1gen_3-door/1986.html

 

http://www.cargurus.com/Cars/1988-Volkswagen-Cabriolet-Overview-c7116

 

http://www.cityfeet.com/cont/forlease/ln18118192/9600-north-kings-highway-and-highway-17-myrtle-beach-sc-29572

 

https://www.google.com/maps/@33.7250798,-78.8642906,16z

 

http://cutty-sark.com/

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myrtle_Beach_High_School

 

http://www.ebay.com/bhp/vintage-umbro-shorts

 

https://www.cofc.edu/

 

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=aunt%20flow

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qw9oX-kZ_9k

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myrtle_Square_Mall

 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098627/

 

http://www.krispykreme.com/

 

Keith meets Spike!

keithmeetsspikee
Keith Meets Spike
Setting: Myrtle Beach Pavilion 1989

This is one of the stories that occurred during the Dilger Family Beach Trip. Andrew and Keith got stuck with the girls. All four of them Andy III and Berta needed a date night so they got stuck halfway babysitting the babysitters.

Andrew Dilger had two sisters, Gina, age 15 who had her friend Renae with her and Abbie-Lynn (short for Abagail-Lynn), who also had one of her friends with her. The two youngsters were mostly interested in the rides at the pavilion or the arcade. The two older girls were mostly interested in Andrew & Keith, yet Andrew & Keith were interested in anything else. Andrew was game for Renae, but Keith wasn’t much on spending the majority of the week with Gina, and if Andrew & Renae were to hook up, Keith knew that is exactly what would happen so he fixed thahurricane3_mattrydzik_FotoSketchert by fingering Renae in the pool one day while they were talking to Berta who was sunbathing and drinking her fair share Tom Collins. So after that Keith and Renae would fool around here and there, and Gina and Andrew were both a bit steamed at them.

Gina and Renae were stuck watching the girls and Andrew told Gina that they were going to walk down the strip for a few minutes. Andrew wanted to show Keith the dump of a hotel he stayed at when he went to Senior Week with a few members of the class of ’89. The plan was to meet them back in about an hour.

Andrew & Keith took off and they walked up the road a little bit to the Golden Villa, a five story hotel that was likely built in the 50’s or 60’s and had seen its better day. Little did Keith know about 11 months later he’d have a few stories of his own to tell about the Golden Villa since he and, Andrew and other members of their crew would spend their own Senior week in this dumb (more to come on that later)?

They walk up look at it, Keith said “it wouldn’t be a bad place for my clothes to stay, because I plan on doing my sleeping on the beach during the day”. Andrew said “good plan”. They were walking back and Andrew said “let’s go in here” pointing to the “Gay Dolphin Gift Shop”, he wanted to see if Tammy, the girl he met during the senior week trip and saw a couple nights before was working. They walked in, and Keith pops Andrew on the arm, and says “do you know that Tom Petty song ‘Spike’”? Andrew nods his head saying “I think so why?” Keith says “the SOB is right over there” pointing across the building. “Holy shit it is” Andrew responds with a laugh.

Keith had pointed out a couple that was walking. The woman was likely mid 30’s wearing what he called a diamond cut bathing suit, which had a diamond cut out in between the breasts and the top of the crotch and went around the neck. She also had on a pair of Daisy Dukes and a pair of bright yellow (matching the bathing suit) Chuck Taylor high tops. Her hair looked like it was bled dry by about 5 bottles of beach and her skin was a tanning salon shade of burnt orange. Nice breasts but not very attractive. Keith said she was about 5’10 5’11, or a couple of inches taller than spike.

Now Spike was about 5’8, like the girl in his mid-30’s he was built, cut, whatever you want to call it, he had a bit of the burnt orange look to him as well and looked a bit like a mini-Randy Macho Man Savage with his fu man chu mustache and mullet combo going. He too had a pair of daisy dukes with the bottoms of his front pockets hanging out, and he also had a matching sleeveless Levi Jean Jacket that looked about 3 sizes too small for him and black high top reebok shoes, the kind you’d see women wear to 7_18_12-myrtle-beach-gay-dolphin-gift-cove_FotoSketchera dance class. The black leather spiked dog collar was a nice addition to his outfit. He didn’t quite have a Mr. T. Starter set around his neck but he had some gold chains, and what was supposed to look like a diamond stud ear-ring. He was built but a bit puffy/stiff looking and he walked like he was in full on flex or a bit like Robo Cop. It was funny. Keith couldn’t help but laugh at him and Spike noticed.

Spike wasn’t happy. He walked over and said “What the fuck are you laughing at?” Keith looks down at him and said “oh nothing Spike I’m not laughing at anything”. “What the fuck did you call me?” Spike barks out at him “Haven’t you heard the Tom Petty song ‘Spike’, with your little dog collar on it looks like it was written about you.” Keith explains to him. “Boy I’ll whip your young punk ass” Spike growls at him this time. The bleached blonde steps in between them and says “now Howard he’s too young for you to fight”. Keith punched Andrew in the arm and with a howling laugh says Spike’s name is Howard. Spike takes a step closer and Keith puts his hands up read to bust him in the head if needed. Kitty Clorox grabs him by the arm and pulls him off.

Andrew looks at Keith and says “What the fuck was that?” “That was Spike, Doo doo doo doo doo doo”, as he laughs again. They walk on back to where they were to meet the girls and Andrew starts telling them about the man in the dog collar and of course the girls wanted to see him. So they walked back up that way. Gina stopped in front of Keith just so that her butt would press into his crotch. She was good at that. They didn’t see him to start with then they noticed him looking out on the top of the observation deck. Keith yells up at him. “Hey Spike Tell me bout life”. Spike bolts for the stairs, the girls a bit startled so they walk into a beach shop. Spike busts through the door and gets in Keith’s face saying again “I’m going to beat your ass”, Keith quoting Rocky Balboa simply says “Go for it”, and the blonde wedges her way in between them again, when a cop walks up and says “What seems to be the problem”? The blonde says this boy is teasing my fiancé about his dog collar and some Tom Petty song. The cops laughs and says cool song, and then says, “So this kid is picking on your fiancé over his dog collar? Is that correct? He shakes his head again and walks the couple over to the side and they start to walk off. The cop comes back with a smile on his face and laughs and says please stop picking on people with dog collars. “Yes sir” Keith says as they go off to the beach store who had already started to walk up.

They get in the Blazer, Andrew driving Keith riding shotgun, the two youngest girls in the cargo area with Gina and Renae in the back seat. Keith pops Andrew with an elbow and says “look at that” Spike and Kitty Clorox were walking down Ocean Boulevard. Andrew slows, Keith hangs out the window and yells “Hey Spike whatta ya like”, and howls at him like Petty does in the song. Spike takes off running as Andrew slowly picks up speed by ever so gently pressing on the gas before he finally turns and heads towards Highway 17 to head back to Cherry Grove.

They get back to condo and tell Andy and Berta the story and Andy says “I think we saw that fruit yesterday near the same spot but Barbie was wearing an orange swimsuit, shorts and orange shoes that clashed with her skin”.

Hi I’m Brad and I’m a Pussy

imbrad

Setting: Mostly at Fenton’s Bar & Grill, circa 1993

When you have a group of friends in a small town, you mostly know each other pretty well. At times you now some of their cousins that might live close by, not necessarily the same town, but close by.

At times, various paths can cross. A close group of friends will have each other’s back and take up for one another when push comes to shove.

Let me introduce to Brad Clayton. Brad was a year or so younger than this group of friends, he was somehow related a little bit to Andrew Dilger. Some form of 3rd cousin fifteen times removed or however that genealogy shit works. Somehow his kin stuck Andrew’s kin, or Andrew’s kin stuck his kin. Who cares, it’s irrelevant.

Either way, he was a douche. Think Brian Austin Green meets Vanilla Ice meets New Kids on the Block, or were they the same person to start with? He crossed paths with Seth by hitting on his girlfriend. He did the same with Marty. He had welched on a golf bet with Jesse and wrote a check to Kelly’s mom for some tutoring in English over the summer. Most everyone was over at Jesse’s house waiting to head to Fenton’s, likely for a penny draft night. Out of all the times they went to Fenton’s Bar & Grill, a high percentage had to be the Wednesday penny draft nights, but there were some Friday and Saturday’s as well.

Everybody is bitching about Brady Clayton. Everybody is talking about whipping his ass.  Keith edges each of them on by saying, “he’d whip anyone of you one on one”, all  while knowing he’d have a tough time fighting any of them, and no chance with a couple of them.  He hadn’t crossed Keith, yet Keith didn’t care for him and called him New Kid.  He was just an uber-douche trying to kiss everyone’s ass, yet would then turn around and try to get in their girls pants

They load up in Kelly’s Mom’s mini-van and head off to Fenton’s. They stop and eat some Pizza nearby and drink a couple of pitchers before going to Fenton’s.

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They are loading up on penny draft, watching a baseball game on one of the televisions, bitching about this, that and the other, hitting on the occasional girl and catching up with an old friend or two. Kelly’s still trying to throw paperclips into the 30 gallon trash cans they used to collect the pennies on these nights. Keith’s watching the Dodgers and the Braves play and Jesse is trying to avoid some one-night stand he met at school the previous year.

Andrew walks up and says “guess who just walked in?” Keith sarcastically says President Bush. “No dipshit, Brad Clayton”, Jesse starts mubling about the 100.00, Kelly wonders aloud if he has the 50.00 bucks he owes his Mom, and Marty and Seth start fussing over who’s going to confront him first. Keith gets up walks over to Brad and simply says “You might want to leave, I’ve got four guys over there and each of them are wanting to whip your ass, and I’m not going to stop them”. Brad says “We cool”, Keith says, “no you’re a pussy, and I’m just trying to save you from getting your ass kicked, and I’m not really wanting to have to put money together to bail one of them out of jail for doing it.”

Brad with his “Ice Ice Baby” hair cut ponders that thought for a brief moment and asks, “I’m a pussy?” Keith says “Yeah you are, and a matter of fact you’re about to tell everyone you’re a pussy, or I’ll beat your ass and save them the trouble.”  Brad fondles the four day scruff he has on his chin and says “Okay Big Daddy, if it gets them off my ass I’ll tell them I’m a pussy.”

Keith says “okay, but there is another thing”. Seth and Marty are wanting to whip your ass over you hitting on their girls, and I think we can take care of it, but you owe Kelly’s Mom 50 bucks plus a bad check fee, and you owe Jesse 100.00 for the golf bet. He’s shaking his head like he’s about to free-style reaches in his pockets and hands him 200.00 bucks. Keith stuffs it in his pockets and says “let’s get this over with because I’m tired of hearing about your bitch ass”.

They walk over to Jesse, Keith hands him a 100 and says “this is your golf bet”, and looks at Brad and says “what do you have to say?”

Jesse, “I’m a pussy”. Jesse: You got that right.

They walk over to Kelly, Keith says “do you have any twenties”? Kelly nods and says “yeah two”, Keith says “I’ll trade you this 100.00 for them”. They exchange bills, and Keith says, oh by the way, you paid me back that 40.00 you owe me and the rest of that is your Mom’s for that tutoring bullshit. Kelly looks at him with a “what the fuck” expression, but it serves the cheap greedy fucker right, you have to trick his ass to get paid back more times than not. He looks over at Brad and says “spill it”.

Brad says “Kelly I’m a pussy.” Kelly: “You God Damn right!” with a cackling howl to it.

They walk over to Seth and Marty who are still trying to talk each other into letting them be the one to whip his ass. Keith “says now this will take an apology before you tell them what you are”.

Brad: “Seth, I thought you and Haley were broken up, Marty I didn’t know you and Iris were trying to get back together.”

Seth: “Even, if we were she wouldn’t have anything to do with you.’

Marty: “We’re just fucking a bit, before she moves back with her parents, but that is mighty white of ya.”

Keith: “What else?”

Brad: “I’m a pussy!”

Seth punches Marty in the arm as they both laugh their ass off, more of an Andrew type of laugh where he might shit his pants again, but they were a bit drunk and they were laughing there asses off.

They walk over to Andrew, Brad says “hey cuz, I’m a pussy.”, Keith sees a couple of guys from the community college, he wheels Brad over to them and Keith says “introduce yourself!”

Brad: “Hi I’m Brad I’m a pussy!”

The guys from school look puzzeled but take a swig of out of their solo cups. They start walking to the back of the place, Keith is pulling out people he knows from school or their home town. “Hi I’m Brad I’m a pussy”. “Hi I’m Brad I’m a pussy”. “Hi I’m Brad I’m a pussy”. “Hi I’m Brad I’m a pussy”.

Keith sees a couple of bouncer’s he knew that played some football that he’s talked to before. “Hi I’m Brad I’m a pussy”. “Hi I’m Brad I’m a pussy”. “Hi I’m Brad I’m a pussy”.

He finally looks at Brad, “Did you learn your lesson?”, he said “yeah I know who not to fuck with any more.” He wondered into the dance floor trying to just blend into nothing.

Keith walks back up to his friends and says “Hi I’m Brad I’m a Pussy”, they all hit him in the shoulder laughing, cackling, and just having a good time.

They get in the car to leave, the next destination would likely be home, or quite possibly a Waffle House, and Keith is driving. Seth asks, “What made you do that? Keith says “I was tired of hearing all you little girls bitch about him.” he adds, “I don’t know about you guys, but I would have got my one shot in and busted someone in the mouth before I told three dozen or so people I’m a pussy. I might have got my ass whipped in the end, but I’m not going to do something like that.” They all agreed and laughed and drank into the night.

Get Out and Smack Him

getout

 

Setting: Country Club Road, along with Bo’s Gas & Go Circa 1991.

 

Sometimes you set out looking for trouble. Sometimes trouble finds you and quite frankly other times it is a little bit of both.

 

Marty Sherber Jr. and Keith Singer had spent the afternoon shooting hoops at the outdoor courts down at the old park. Most of the time they were just shooting till a few others guys showed up and they ran a quick game of 3 on 3. The afternoon grew old they had planned on heading to Andrew Dilger’s house for a part since his Dad & step-Mom were out of town.

 

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They were headed to Keith’s house, he was going to grab a shower while Marty played Tommy Lasorda Baseball on the Sega Genesis. They were headed to his house and they were overloading Marty’s 1988 Ford Escort. Close to 500lbs in the front sheet, a fishing pole, a shot gun and a couple of basketballs, a ball bat and some gloves in the back. They were about to turn on to Country Club Road when this dickhead was riding Marty’s ass. Marty threw the blinker on and turned left, the guy followed. They were going down the road about to pass the clubhouse when the guy pulled out in his Ford EXP, the sporty version of the Escort and passed them flipping them off and yelling something about “get that piece of shit off the road”. Well, this pissed both Marty and Keith off but that poor little Escort was doing the best it could and the EXP pulled out of site at the crest of a hill. They weren’t going to be able to catch them. Marty took down the license plate for future reference.

 

They turned around, went back to Keith’s house as planned. He went in washed his ass, was getting dressed while watching Marty and Keith’s little brother Trevor(about 8 years old) play the baseball game. Nolan Ryan vs. Daryl Strawberry, Rangers vs. Dodgers. Ryan throws a fastball, and Strawberry hit a grand slam and Trevor was dancing around and Marty reaches up and it hits reset.

They leave and pile back into the escort and they are headed to Marty’s house so he could shower and clean up. Keith sat their talking to Marty Sr. about baseball history and then Marty Sr. asked him, “Do you still snore like a freight train?”, Evidently, one night when he was about 12, Keith fell asleep during a basketball or baseball game and they had to turn the television on full blast just to get over his snoring. He laughed and said “most likely”.

Marty Jr. came up from the basement and was quizzed by Marty Sr. and his mother Jane, about what their plans were that night.

They left, and as they were headed down the road Keith asked Marty about the snorefest. Marty was like “You were like a God Damned Freight train. My brothers were throwing stuff at you and you still wouldn’t shut up. Keith simply laughed again.

They pulled into Bo’s Gas and Go to get some beer. Bo’s was one of a few places around town that didn’t really ID anyone, and they had known Marty his whole life so they knew he was 19 maybe 20 at the time. It didn’t matter. They were going to get a case for the party and Marty was going to get some Copenhagen.

Marty turns into the parking lot and says “what do we have here”? A red EXP sitting in front of the store. He reaches down pulls out a piece of paper from a cup holder and matches up the license plate XYZ-1234. Hmmmm. Interesting. They sit and wait and this guy comes out of the store, sits down and Marty looks at Keith and says “Get out and smack him” Keith approaches the driver’s side and puts his forearms on the window, and asks, “Were you up near the Country Club earlier?”, “N-nnn—no!”, the guy about 25, 6’ 190lbs stutters while pushing his glasses back on his nose.  “Bull shit!”, the guy gets defensive as Keith yells and reaches in to grab him and the guy is smacking at his arms like a nine year old girl trying to get her Barbie back from a friend at a sleepover. Keith gives the guy a smack with an open hand knocking his glasses off into the floor.

He’s more in the passenger side seat when Marty grabs  his shirt and pulls him half way out the window and says. “You sure do like flipping people off don’t you?” The guy stammers and attempts to get No out again, but it takes a bit longer this time.  Marty shows him the slip of paper with his tag # on it, and they guy is starting to apologize. Keith calls him a pussy, as Marty head butts him on the bridge of the nose and shoves him back into the car bleeding and says “Get the fuck out of here!”

The guy doesn’t bother with his see the future glasses and cranks the car up, red lines it and slams it in reverse, pealing  out almost hitting the set of gas pumps(that would have been messy), before grinding it into first gear and laying rubber getting out of the parking lot as Keith and Marty go in, they grab the beer, the Copenhagen and Keith gets 3 scoops of Bubble Gum Ice cream, a smurf/Carolina blue that was only found at Bo’s.  Bo asks, “what was all that about?” Marty briefly explains, and Bo mumbles something about, “could he not see how that car was weighted down, I’d have to have two guns to mess with you two in a dark alley.”

They leave and head towards Andrew’s house and they pull in about 5 or 6 people are outside because Andrew or Gina, his step-sister aren’t home yet, and they have to tell the story for the 2nd of about 5 times that night.

It’s good to have a car that can out run another, but it’s hard to out run a memory.

Let’s put the Short in Short Story

shortstory

Setting: Fenton’s Bar & Grill circa 1993

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Everyone has that male friend that claims to have a big dick and in some cases they might. I’m sure there is a scientific study out there that shows that Internet dick size is increased 25-35%. With that said, our friend Kelly was the one that claimed to have have 9 inches. He claimed to have 9 inches in 7th grade, he claimed to have nine inches as a junior in high school, and he claimed to have nine inches at 23, and I’m sure if you got him drunk enough now at 42, he would still claim to have 9 inches. Well, as the story goes, from people that have experienced Kelly, Kelly doesn’t have 9 inches. We don’t know exactly what Kelly has, nor do we really care, but we just had to get that out of the way.

One night at Fenton’s Bar & Grill, which years after the fact, didn’t have much of a grill. It was more of a night club with half the square footage dedicated to a dance floor. In all the years and visits to Fenton’s never did any of the crowd ever have dinner, a snack, or any type of food other than peanuts. But if calling it a “Bar & Grill” makes them feel better, then go for it.

It was your typical college town hang out, various promotions throughout the week, penny draft on Wednesday’s was popular where you tossed a penny(sometimes Kelly would toss a paper clip), into one of those big 30 gallon Rubbermaid trash cans. That does show how cheap Kelly could be. It’s penny draft and he’s tossing paperclips. You just have to shake your head about it.  The penny draft did come with a $10.00 cover and the place was usually packed.

Well anyway, there was a night(there were many nights here), but on this particular night, Kelly was a dozen or so paper clips into a keg of beer, and he’s feeling frisky. He’s talking to and halfway fondling a short blonde. Not a real blonde, but one of those bottle blondes with bad hair to match the acid washed denim shorts she was wearing with her some shade of orange skin. Hair from a bottle and tan from a booth, what a combination. Kelly, Keith, Jesse and this blonde and a couple of her friends are standing there. Kelly keeps trying to put his arm around her and sneak his hand down to squeeze one of her little b cup boobies and she’s got this grin on her face like she can’t believe this guy, but on the other hand she wasn’t telling him no, or shying away from the contact.

When she would smile and a mouth full of teeth would jump out at you. Forty or fifty of them it seemed like, but she’d have this huge grin going. One could call it a Julia Roberts type mouth, but this girl looked nothing like Julia Roberts.  Kelly, was about a head taller than her and he leaned down at one point and said “Honey have you ever had 9 inches”. Keith spits out about 0.013 of a beer and laughs and gets the girls attention, she’s got this half smile/half dumbfounded look on her face, and Keith looks at her and says, “he’ll have to fuck you two or three times but you’ll get your nine inches”. Kelly slaps Keith’s beer out of his hands, which ended up getting himself wetter than Keith just based on the movement of the swing of his arm. He of course added “fuck you big boy”, as Keith and Jesse walked back to the bar to toss a couple of more pennies into the trash can.

Brotherly Love Part 1

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Setting: Lake Murray, SC circa summer of 1997

Jesse and Tracy “Tiny” Little weren’t your typical brothers. In the summer of 1997, Jesse was 25 years old which would have put Tracy at around 38. Fairly big age gap between the two. Even with that age gap there were things that they could share. Sports, drinking, fishing, golf, and pestering the hell out their wonderful mother Beverly. Each of them had nearly perfected that, and it is a miracle that she has any hair left. Like a lot of brothers they were fairly competitive with each other. Tiny, about 5’8 265, usually with a scruffy beard and a fucked up sun tan. Sometimes it was overalls, others it was the typical farmers tan, but Tiny had an advantage when it came to drinking, due to his excess girth. That didn’t stop Jesse from trying to out drink him, or out fish him, or out fuck with him.

Part 1

Andrew Dilger, was living down in Newberry, SC, selling mobile homes and trying to hit on any and every co-ed Newberry College had to offer. Jesse and others would often drive down and check out the local foliage, yeah foliage is a good word for those 18-22 year old co-eds Newberry had to offer. A guy that Andrew worked with, Timmy Allison, had a pontoon boat that he’d take out to Lake Murray most weekends. It served as a party barge, and Timmy loved to fish, so when he wasn’t throwing a line in, he was throwing a bottle of suds back.  Andrew would go with him, but again he was there more for the foliage, than the fishing

It was the middle of the week and Jesse called down to Andrew to see if it was cool for him and his brother to come down and to go out on the water with him and his co-worker. Jesse said Tracy would be bringing his own little fishing boat, but would dock up to the much larger pontoon for burgers & beers. Andrew said come on.

Saturday morning, the Little brothers roll in and are knocking on the door about 10am. Dilger’s fat ass is still in bed and he said he saw the sun come up so he was rather cranky. They went out and grabbed some breakfast and Andrew called Timmy and after the filled up, with gas, bait and beer, they headed off to meet Timmy.

img_4460353_0_311219691600_1_FotoSketcherThey finally got in the water about noon, and they headed off to where Timmy normally fished and Andrew watched the foliage. Pretty eventful day, Andrew had talked a group of co-eds into having a nicest tits contest by pulling out a $100.00 bill, for the winner. The girls ranging from 18-23, went for it and off came the tops. Tracy and Timmy who seemed more interested in fishing quickly turned their attention to the naked breasts that had made an appearance. Timmy was the eldest at about 45, so even the oldest girl was about half his age, and he had a daughter that was about to get her driver’s license  so he was enjoying the show but kept hoping his daughter wouldn’t be naked on some dude’s pontoon boat at any given second.

A girl ntitties_FotoSketcheramed Tabatha, 19 from Alabama won the vote from the 4 guys, 3 to 1, her tan-lines were more apparent and she had the largest and firmest looking breasts, but Andrew ended up giving the $100.00 to a girl named Michelle that he had spent the whole time hitting on. She had smaller boobs, maybe in between an a/b cup and it was clear that she spent some time in tanning bed because she didn’t have a hint of a tan-line. Andrew was   prone to do things like this.

The girls took off and the attention turned back to the fishing and who caught the most and who caught the biggest. Jesse was about 3/4ths lit up and was trying to get back into his brother’s boat so he could count his fish and find the biggest one when he took an awkward step and hit the water. The other three guys laughed their asses off at him while Tiny called him a “drunk sunbtich”. Tracy had that type of reaction where it kinda hurt, but it also kinda pissed him/set him over the edge, a lot like when you get hit out of the blue, not really hard, but just you weren’t expecting it. So he started cussing, the more he cussed the more shit his brother talked and laughed.  Jessed climbed into the boat calling Tiny a drunk fat mother-fucker and he reached down and picked Tiny’s bucket of fish up and swung it around like a hammer toss and let it fly as far as it could. The fish had their stay of execution and Tiny was one pissed off “sunbitch”. “God Dammit Brother”, he yelled and stepped from the pontoon to the little johnboat. Jesse pops him in the side of the head, but Tiny’s too numb at that point to feel it, and Tiny grabs him in a head lock that would make Ric fucking Flair proud and the boat starts to lean and everything is in the water as the little johnboat is upside down.

Timmy and Andrew are looking perplexed as Jesse and Tiny are wrestling like two kids in a swimming pool in the middle of summer. This continued for a minute or two till they both were gasping for air. They broke loose in what appeared to be some form of a draw with Tiny grabbing hold of his capsized boat and Jesse reaching on to a rope dangling from Timmy’s pontoon boat.

At this point Andrew is tickled shitless and is laughing so hard he might actually shit himself again. The two combatants rest for a couple of minutes and then Jesse swims over to his brother’s boat and helps him flip it back over. He then paddled out and collects the cooler and a couple of blue frozen blocks that helped keep the beer cold. He then collected an ore, about a dozen beers and the fishing poles.

Jesse climbs back on to the pontoon boat and just lays there for a few minutes. Tiny’s maneuvering his boat back around with the ores to latch on to the side and head back into the dock.  Tiny then yells “Hey Brother!”  No answer.  “Hey Brother!” “What God Dammit?” Jesse asks. “It’s a good God Damn thing, my tackle box was on the other boat, or you and me would still be having a problem.” Tiny informs him. Jesse leans up on his elbows, and says “Fuck you and fuck your tackle box” as all four of them share laugh.

They float into the dock and Tiny asks, “Where’d them titties go?”  Andrew bellows “Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey”, like he just had his balls shocked and starts looking around like an old birddog. Those “titties” weren’t anywhere in site.

Brotherly love!